Don Imus: Freak of the Week

HOW MANY TIMES CAN THIS GUY PISS OFF THE BLACK COMMUNITY?

                  

Let me set things up by going back to a transcript of what went down on last week’s Imus In The Morning show…

Sanjaya Malakar: Freak of the Week

LET’S HEAR IT FOR THE SACRIFICIAL CANARY IN OUR CULTURAL COAL MINE

Love him or hate him, it’s still an obsession.                                                                   Love him or hate him, that is the question.

Let me begin by saying this award goes beyond our least favorite contestant on American Idol.  It is not just for Sanjaya, it is also meant for his fans, and his most vocal detractors.  For me, the tidal wave of hate and controversy that has apparently engulfed this year’s American Idol represents everything that is wrong with America’s popular culture in this earliest part of the 21st century.

Here we are in 2007, with all of the accoutrements (sans the flying cars) that one would have expected to see in the two-thousand aughties.  There are tiny phones on our hips, that act as computers, televisions and stereos; big screen, hi-definition TVs in our living rooms (for the rare occasions we get to be at home); and an endless supply of distractions that can be found on the world wide web and across the plethora of channels we can enjoy.  We claim to be in touch with each other more than ever before,  but we really just isolate ourselves in the sterile world that technology has afforded us. 

Knut the Polar Bear Cub: Freak of the Week

HE IS BOUND TO BE THE CUTEST THING THAT YOU FIND IN GERMANY

I had not planned to have Knut the polar bear cub as my Freak of the Week.  Originally, I wanted to skewer White House spokesman, Tony Snow.  Then the rat-bastard announced he was going in for surgery on Monday for the removal of what may turn out to be a cancerous growth in his abdomen.  I won’t deny having wished ill on the man after watching a few of his press conferences, but I know not to kick someone if they are down.  As soon as he is healthy, the gloves will be coming off.

Valerie Plame: Freak of the Week

In the short history of this blog, one thing has become glaringly obvious each time I have designated a ’Freak of the Week’: the lack of a woman amongst the names I have picked.  Were men somehow more worthy of the title? I don’t believe so.  They just seemed to show up in a few more precarious situations than women appeared to, from week to week.  Today, after I saw the news coming out of Washington, D.C., I was moved to act in the interest of all female freaks (and I don’t mean a ‘Rick James’ kind of freak.)  I have decided to award this illustrious title to the person that has helped expose the utter selfishness and myopia that characterizes the Bush White House.  

After four long years, the woman at the center of the controversy White House aid Scooter Libby tried to cover up, had her chance to speak on Capitol Hill.  Ex-CIA operative, Valerie Plame, is not just your ordinary black-suited ‘G-man’; she looks like Sharon Stone with a set of Jerry Lewis’ Nutty Professor teeth.  Apparently, she was too attractive for the neo-cons to care whether or not her covert status was compromised when they pushed for the 2003 Iraqi invasion.  It is a shame men in charge of our country allow their personal <ahem> shortcomings to keep them from making sound policy decisions.

Eddie Van Halen: Freak of the Week

CAN SOBRIETY SAVE THIS GUITAR HERO? 

The history of rock and roll is filled with the ups and downs experienced by the artists who make the music we love.  Their failures are just as important as their success; they serve as integral parts of the fabric of rock music and add to its draw.  Pick up any biography written about your favorite rock group or artist and dive into a world where backstage dramas, unforeseen tragedies, embarrassing clothing and hair-styles, and bad business decisions rule.  Quite often, the most talented folks who burst on to the music scene leave us too soon.  The rest of them get to hang around long enough to self-destruct in front of our eyes.  Yet their music persists and concert venues continue to fill up with fans who choose to come along for the torturous ride.   

This week’s installment of Freak of the Week features a man that many people would consider one of the greatest rock guitarists of all time.  Eddie Van Halen, 52, was born in the Netherlands, but his family moved to Pasadena, California when he was seven.  Originally trained as a pianist, Eddie started to play the drums along with his older brother, Alex, who played guitar.  Once Alex proved to be the better drummer, Eddie switched to the guitar and the rest was rock and roll history.

American Idol’s Sundance Head: Freak of the Week

BOO-FREAKIN-HOO, AT  LEAST THEY DIDN’T VOTE YOU OFF! 

The only portion of Fox TVs American Idol that I despise more than the audition process, is the three week period in which twenty-four contestants are whittled down to the final twelve.  Like any refining process, you inevitably  get exposed to a lot of impurities before the quality material is harvested.  Along the way, there is always an unavoidable risk that some of the best stuff gets tossed-out (for various reasons.)  The ‘dirty work’ quickly wanes; the show proceeds with its theme weeks; and we finally get to see what the singers are really made of.   

Judge Larry Seidlin: Freak of the Week

HE MAY SEEM LIKE A CLOWN…JUST DON’T CALL HIS COURTROOM A CIRCUS

The Anna Nicole Smith ‘Soap Opera’ seems to be producing an endless supply of fodder for cable news audiences and tabloid lovers to savor, at least until the next distraction pops up (my money is on Britney Spears.)  We have already endured periodic updates on the condition of her dead body; absurd claims of paternity; and so-called journalists, so fraught with their own childlike giddiness, you almost forgot the horrible truths that lie at the core of this story.  

The most unique (and entertaining) character to emerge from this daily deluge of half-truths and pointless speculation, was the man saddled with the unfortunate duty of deciding the fate of Anna Nicole’s corpse.  People tuning in and expecting to see the (inescapable) drama surrounding this surreal case, unavoidably discovered a man that defied the conventional stereotypes we have long held for members of our judicial system. 

Michael Waltrip: Freak of the Week

DW’s (TALL) LITTLE BROTHER BRINGS CONTROVERSY AND A JAPANESE CAR TO THE DAYTONA 500 

(If you don’t enjoy stock car racing, you may want to avoid these pages for the next nine months.  While I won’t dedicate every story to the Nextel Cup season, I will cover important events and controversies as the year unfolds.) 

Boy, do I love NASCAR!  I got hooked on the sport (yes, it’s a sport–I want to see the doubters drive a car for an entire 400-500 mile race at 150mph and tell me how they feel the next day) twelve years ago when I worked at a radio station and had to play local commercials during the race.  Less than a year later, I was in Daytona as part of a news team (I was the cameraman) covering Speed Weeks.  We would go around the garage area and interview drivers as they prepped for the big race and the upcoming (then) Winston Cup season.  Meeting the crew chiefs, tire changers, and big-name stars of NASCAR was a privilege and it helped me appreciate the depth of the sport.

Prince Frederick Von Anhalt: Freak of the Week

IN A WEEK CHOCK FULL OF WEIRDOS, ZSA ZSA’s HUBBY TAKES THE CAKE

I woke up Friday morning not knowing who I would choose to be this week’s recipient.  There were too many juicy stories I could have picked from but none had that extra ’something’ I look for in a honoree.  Leave it to Zsa Zsa Gabor’s eighth husband to inspire me to make my difficult choice. 

San Francisco’s cad-Mayor, Gavin Newsom, was an early contender based on his questionable personal and professional relationships.  Either half of the Griffin and Ryan O’Neal ’Battle for Attention’ would have been a decent choice, but I passed (someone should at least call Dr. Phil for those guys.)  How about the entire US Senate for acting like a bunch of tools by avoiding the real issues they should be debating?  

Freak of the Week (ending 2/2/07)

This week’s Freak (known only as ‘Mr. Duck Fan’) hails from Eugene, OR.

Last Saturday, as Oregon University Men’s Basketball Team (the Ducks) played Washington State’s Cougars, Mr. Duck Fan sat in front of the big-screen TV at Eugene’s Pegasus Pizza.  What made this particular fan stand out from the rest was his choice of clothing.  Hardly matching the ‘Ducks’ sweat shirt and hat he wore was a pair of hospital-issued pants.

One look at the nurse sitting at his side (periodically checking his blood pressure, pulse, and temperature) and you instantly recognized that the man had recently checked out of a hospital.  According to the PeaceHealth hospital’s Andrea Ash, the unidentified man left their cardiac unit (with a nurse who reportedly was off duty) to watch the game.  “We don’t have Fox Sports here,” added the spokeswoman.

Ironically, the Ducks barely pulled off a 77-74 overtime victory.  Restaurant owner Paul Reader told reporters Mr. Duck Fan remained the calmest person in the place.  Imagine the free pizza’s if he hadn’t!

Way to go, Mr. Duck Fan!  You certainly earned this week’s  Freak of the Week award, hands down.