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Super Bowl XLI: Rex Sux

February 5, 2007


Chicago Bears quarterback Rex Grossman wasn’t the only thing stinking up my TV set Sunday evening.  Could someone name three advertisements that were shown during the broadcast worth repeating?  I hope everyone that spent his hard-earned money on a HD television set enjoyed the crystal clear picture through a foggy lens.

You have to hand it to the Indianapolis Colts for overcoming plenty of rain and all of the naysayers in a game that started off with Devin Hester’s stunning 92-yard kick-off return.  My heart sank as soon as I saw too many missed tackles and a wide-open field.  It was a brief hiccup in what turned out to be a typical game for both teams.

Peyton Manning has had the weight of the sports world on his shoulders since the Colt’s won the AFC Championship two weeks ago.  One big question remained: Would he rise to the occasion or fall flat on his keister like (let’s say) Jim Kelly or (God forbid) Dan Marino?  For every brilliant game I have seen Manning play, I have seen some incredibly flat performances. The Colts’ 29-17 victory may go a long way towards changing some minds about the guy.  Maybe I will warm up to the guy if he gets a couple more rings on his hands.

Give most of the credit to (head coach) Tony Dungy for keeping his team focused on what they could accomplish and not on what they had to lose.  The man is a beacon of optimism in a cynical sport.  He sets a high bar that all coaches (regardless of race) will have a hard time clearing.  That’s not to say there isn’t a place for the jerks in the NFL (who isn’t going to miss a spit-filled meltdown by Bill Cower next year.)  However, by winning Super Bowl XLI, Tony Dungy proves that nice guys don’t have to finish last.

Rex Grossman never impressed me in the five games I watched the Bears play this year.  Time and time again announcers made excuses  for the inexperienced QB, yet their words could hardly distract me from his obvious short-comings.  Rex can certainly chuck the ball, but he seems easily flustered once he makes a couple mistakes.  I was not surprised by anything I saw during his 15 minutes on the field.

What did surprise me were the crappy commercials.  Some years are better than others, but 2007 seemed a little anemic.  I laughed hardest at the Letterman promo but I can’t count it towards the paid advertisements. 

  • The two CGI Coke ads were enjoyable (although I had already seen one of them in a movie theater last week.)
  • I didn’t care for the two mechanics “kissing” for a Snickers bar.  Dudes kissing doesn’t phase me (I watched plenty of Six Feet Under) it was the ad’s resolution I found most disturbing.  They should have just moved on from the kiss with an awkward shrug without having to reassert their manliness. 
  • Bob Goulet makes a good punchline, but I wouldn’t build an entire commercial around the guy.  I wanted to make like Elvis and pull the trigger.
  • What the hell is William H. Macy doing in a movie with three no-talents?  Let’s hope he’s doing garbage like Wild Hogs so his studio will bankroll some worthwhile projects.  

The best part of the broadcast was the halftime show starring ( his Purple-ness) Prince.  The Minneapolis Midget dazzled millions of viewers by playing some mean guitar in the pouring rain.  It was proof that a halftime show is only as bad as the acts that are chosen to perform.  The Olympic-style opening ceremony that kicked off the broadcast is an entirely different story…

So I am sending a big ‘Congratulations’ to the Colts and their fans for a job well done.  I hope you’ll all be just as kind to me when the Patriots are the NFL champs next year.

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