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Scooter Libby Takes One For The Team

March 6, 2007

DICK CHENEY’S GOOD BUDDY FACES THE MUSIC FOR PERJURING HIMSELF

This afternoon, the jury hearing the perjury case against I. Lewis ‘Scooter’ Libby returned its verdict in a Washington, DC courtroom.  It came as no surprise to anyone (unless your head happens to be stuck deep into Sean Hannity’s ass) that Libby was found guilty on four out of the five counts he was charged with.  Apart from a few months served in a country club-style prison; there is little hope that the verdict will lead to much else.  Conservative pricks across the nation (like the editors over at The National Review) are hoping for a presidential pardon for the vice president’s former aid.  Would we expect anything less from their ilk? 

Through a spokesperson, President George Bush expressed his sadness over the jury’s verdict later in the afternoon.  It is unclear how Mr. Bush was made aware of the outcome, since it came at the same time his favorite show Sagwa, The Chinese Siamese Cat was airing on Noggin.  It just happened to be one of his favorite episodes in which Sagwa forgets to do her duties for the Dragon Festival (oh, you silly cat!)  Whether or not Bush plans to pardon Libby is unknown at this time.  I certainly wouldn’t put it past a guy who has ignored the will of the people for the entire six years he has been in office.

Don’t hold your breath expecting any word to come from our nation’s highest-elected cyborg.  Vice President Cheney has yet to make any formal statement regarding the fate of his former confident; I would be shocked if he does.  Even if he did say something, you can bet it will be a lie.  That seems to be all he can do (and he does it so well, it’s scary.)  

Our vice president is still recovering from a blood clot that doctors discovered in his calf yesterday, after he complained of leg pain.  Some hold out hope that it might trigger his resignation (an unlikely scenario at best.)  If I knew a Native American dance that would throw that clot into a major artery, I would dance it for the next week.  For now, I will settle for a few more pins in my Dick Cheney voodoo doll.

If there is a god in heaven, we will see somebody in Washington probe a little deeper (bend over, Dick) and nail these suckers for all they have done.  Right now, the number of dead American soldiers in Iraq stands at 3,177.  We may not be allowed to see their caskets return to US soil; however, we can remember the lies that got us in there to begin with.  Most importantly, let’s not forget the jackasses who told (and continue to perpetuate) those lies.  Maybe this is just the tip of the iceberg that will bring down the titanic turd we know as the Bush administration (a man can dream, can’t he?)    

So ‘good riddance’ to Scooter Libby.  Whatever amount of time he ends up serving in ‘prison’ will not begin to cover the damage he has helped inflict upon his country.  Here’s hoping Libby can somehow turn against his former employers and bring an end to this nightmare.   

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