American Idol Season 6: Round Four – The Aftermath
AMERICA SAYS ‘SO LONG’ TO THE GIRL THAT (SORT OF) ROCKED
I wish I could say Sanjaya was the worst part of American Idol this season. Overall, the show just seems to be going through the motions as the weeks crawl by. Instead of coming up with new ideas for the theme weeks, they rename them with a performer associated with that style and hope you are dumb enough not to notice. Nice try! As sad as it was to see Gina Glocksen go, I believe she has enough talent to make it beyond the shackles of the competition.
Tony Bennett was a no-show for his performance due to a rather convenient case of the flu, leaving us to suffer through a poor (and possibly drunk) Canadian substitute named Michael Bublé. He warbled through “Call Me Irresponsible”, sounding like Harry Connick Jr. after a few too many Hurricanes and seemingly forgetting the words towards the end. He even managed to make an unfunny joke about still voting for ‘internet model’ Antonella Barba before leaving the stage. I just hope someone called him a cab.
Do the producers think they are fooling anyone by renaming ‘Standards Week’ after Tony Bennett? Diana Ross week was just a sly way of getting ‘Motown Week’ with a couple of jazz standards thrown in (you wouldn’t want the divas to miss out.) The British Invasion conveniently took place in the 1960s, so you rehash ’60s Week’, and once again make room for a couple of tangential show tunes for the divas to sing. I think I may have stumbled onto a pattern. Apparently the producers are making sure a female wins this year. They are blurring these theme weeks just enough to get the job done.
My wife and I are evenly split between Melinda and Lakisha. She loves Lakisha’s powerful voice; I am a sucker for Melinda’s stage presence and freakishly large melon. The ‘Mrs.’ doesn’t buy into the humble act that Melinda portrays. She reinforced her suspicions by pointing out to me an instance (during this week’s elimination aftermath) where Melinda caught herself looking indifferent in the studio monitor and immediately brought her hands to her face to feign sadness. What can I say to that?
My wife also pointed out that one of Lakisha’s boobs is much bigger than the other. I must admit I wasn’t looking until she said so, but she was right. It is almost as stunning as the difference between the size of Ryan’s and Melinda’s heads. My main gripe with Lakisha is with how she can tend to over-sing sometimes, usually when the judges like her performance. One thing they are both guilty of is singing in one style (I would say Lakisha is the most blatant perpetrator.) Maybe I just need to lighten up.
I was convinced Phil Stacey was going to be toast this week. How many creepy performances is this guy allowed to deliver before he gets the hook? I am sick and tired of hearing him start a song in one voice (his Rita Cosby low voice) only to shift to his higher pitched Cher style and then finish with a few dashes of Kermit the frog. On a side note, my beer almost shot out of my nose when Kermit popped up at the end of the Ford TV commercial. He was even wearing a little hat, Phil style. Please America, stop voting for this guy, he needs to go.
Then we have Haley Scarnato, pageant skank. She tries to have it both ways; the wholesome girl act in the whore clothes. Give me a break, either learn to sing or get off the stage. Simon summed her up nicely this week when he said, “You’ve got nice legs.” How long before she comes out with a baton to twirl during her routine? Take it to the Miss America stage next time, sweet cheeks.
Gina Glocksen started out as a rocker, but by the time this week rolled around she had proven herself to be a true singer. Maybe that’s why she failed to garner enough votes to stick around. That damn tongue stud probably didn’t help things much either. I won’t lose any sleep in her absence. She definitely has the pipes to follow a professional career if she wants to. In losing her, Idol is losing much needed diversity on the stage. Good luck, Gina.
I will forgo any individual wrap-ups and just say: if you missed this week, you didn’t miss much. Sanjaya made it through to another week (big surprise) so prepare for more mindless speculation and chest pounding. Not since the Y2K scare has there been so much made about what essentially amounts to nothing.
The upcoming theme week is Latin music. Do they even teach Latin in school anymore? I guess that really means Spanish speaking songs. They say latin so it doesn’t sound too ethnic. I think the mentor is going to be Jennifer Lopez. Oh boy. And they say this is a singing competition. I am getting heartburn just thinking about it. Why couldn’t they get Trini Lopez? Now that’s a performer.
American Idol is turning out to be just as disappointing this year as 24 has been. I miss hearing rockers, country singers, and good African-American males in the competition just as much as I miss characters I want to give a sh*t about at CTU . If a girl doesn’t win this year, I will be shocked. That’s where the money is made for the show. Could someone clone Otis Redding or Marvin Gaye before I lose all interest in this show?
The fact remains that the only winners to make money in the long run have been the girls. Guys who have gone on to win just haven’t been able to translate their success on the show into album sales. The deck was stacked in favor of the girls from the beginning and it is just a matter of time until we find out which girl will get the crown. My vote goes to Melinda but my fear is that Jordin will bring it home. I just don’t think she possesses enough talent to have a real career. At seventeen, she’s barely able to drive. Like most things, I will most likely be proven wrong.
Anybody want to buy a ‘Soul Patrol’ shirt?